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You
Lost Me
by Cadet Laura Loomis
Book
Review of 'You Lost Me' by David Kinnaman
Is Christianity coming to an end? Has the current generation
adopted a mindset that makes going to church irrelevant? Or is
there a strategy that can be put in place that will
demonstrate to them that worshipping God in fellowship with a
body of believers is still as important as it has ever been?
Author David Kinnaman, president of the Barna Group, seeks to
answer exactly those questions. He contends that the current
generation, or “mosaics,” are stepping away from the church in
large numbers as they become young adults. It is this
proposition for which he builds his case in his book,
You Lost Me, which
he wrote in order to bring awareness to what he calls “the
dropout problem” (15).
Teenagers, Kinnman claims, are still highly engaged in the
church, but they are not growing into young adults with a
strong, discipled faith in Christ. They feel disconnected,
alienated, and misunderstood by the older adults that make up
the congregations of a typical North American church. While
easy access to media through the internet plays a part in this
perspective, they also have a deep skepticism about the
institutions that have shaped our society to-date, including
the church.
Not every young adult walks away from the church. The ones
that do walk away can be categorized into several groups,
based on their current profession of faith, or lack thereof.
Some of them, which Kinnaman calls “nomads,” walk away from
being involved in church, but still consider themselves
Christians. “Prodigals,” the author says, are those who
completely abandon the faith altogether, and no longer call
themselves Christians. The third group, “Exiles,” are
described as those who are still believers and seekers of
Christ, but they feel unsure how to balance the seemingly
conflicting ideals of the church and their culture.
The dropout problem, Kinnaman writes, “is, at its core, a
faith-development problem; to use religious language, it’s a
disciple-making problem” (21). He argues that the current
structure and mentoring in the church does not prepare future
generations to be faithful Christ-followers in a culture that
is so quickly changing around them.
In order to combat this trend, he suggests that the church
should learn how to help the mosaics understand that wisdom is
a valuable asset, even more so than just facts and figures. In
an age of information overload, access to information on every
subject is readily available, and having such easy access can
lead to a lack of emphasis on what the information means. A
lot of younger Christians know who Jesus is on paper, and they
admire Him, but they do not have a relationship with Him as
Lord and God in their lives.
Passing on wisdom between generations can only happen if the
receiving generation believes that the giving generation has
anything worthwhile to say. The gap in communication styles
between generations creates a struggle between them that too
often hinders the passing on of wisdom. All too many young
people do not feel that older adults understand them, or care
about what concerns them. Building that trust is an absolute
necessity if there is to be any fruitful mentoring between
them. There needs to be a change in the relationships between
older adults and mosaics, if there is to be any chance at
creating turning points in their lives that will make a
valuable difference. Kinnaman believes that “…our programs
need to be reevaluated and revamped where necessary to make
intergenerational relationships a priority” (204).
There is still hope for a beneficial relationship between the
generations. By making an effort to understand the new context
in which the mosaics are living, it is possible to create the
sense of confidence in the wisdom of older generations. This
confidence just might help the mosaics to see the value in
their faith. In turn, they may begin to hold on to their
faith, rather than discarding it as irrelevant, and rekindle
the joy in the fellowship and worship of God with believers of
all generations.
Personally, I tend to agree with the author on his
observations. Many churches that I have visited have a very
robust youth group, and a thriving 40+ adult group, but a huge
vacancy of any ages in between. I agree that is the effect of
a radically different culture than that which existed even 15
years ago. Technology has taken over every aspect of life.
Isolation and separation are the norm, and the condition only
seems to be getting worse. It is far too easy to have a life
on skype or facetime, without even leaving the house. I have
seen first-hand the effects of the intergenerational
communication gap.
The Jesus of the Bible seems almost obsolete to a generation
that cannot fathom life without their smartphones. The
personal, intimate relationship that Christ is seeking with
each of us sounds too far-fetched to them. The nature of
relationships in today’s generation is radically different,
grounded on a pragmatic philosophy that almost negates the
need for authority in their eyes. Mosaics have no idea why a
relationship with someone who wants submission and loyalty is
so valuable, which is why it becomes seemingly effortless for
them to simply walk away from the faith that shaped their
lives in their youth.
If the mosaics feel distant and mistrusting of the generation
that currently populates the churches, how can we expect that
they will understand the value of having an intimate
relationship with a distant biblical “character” from 2000
years ago? How could Jesus possibly understand their lives,
their concerns, their frustrations? From their perspective,
it’s not possible for someone so removed from their situation
to have any relevance to them.
Having that relationship with Christ, though, is far too
important to just leave the current generation to fend for
themselves. We need to learn to speak their “language,” to get
to know what is important to them, and to understand what
makes them tick. We must meet them where they are, and come to
them on their terms, if we are to have any hope of restoring
their faith.
This book has given me a new perspective on speaking to
today’s youth about their faith. It has helped me to
understand why there is such a large disconnect between the
generations, and how to go about restoring the relationships
that will change the way they view the relevance of the
church. I know that I need to personally invest myself in
understanding where this generation is coming from, and what
they are all about. Without relevant knowledge of their
culture and how they live their lives, I will have no hope of
establishing the trust that is necessary for the mentoring
relationship that is so desperately needed.
I believe that Christianity will endure, rather than coming to
an end. I also believe that the current generation has every
hope of having a restored joy in fellowshipping with a body of
believers. The strategy is in building the bridges that will
establish intergenerational trust. In this way, the mosaics
will find value in the wisdom of the older adults in their
churches, and they will be able to see that Christ, and
worshipping Him with other believers, is as relevant to their
lives as it has ever been.
Works Cited
Kinnaman, David. You
Lost Me: Why Young Christians Are Leaving Church ... and
Rethinking Faith. Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2016.
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