If I Had My Time Over Again…
By Major Harold Hill
We know the famous last words: “If I had my time over again,
I’d…” But I probably wouldn’t, or couldn’t, even if
forewarned. The person I was back then tried to do the best he
knew how; the person I am now might try to do some things
differently, but he wasn’t around at the time! But still, five
things I might have benefited from learning earlier are:
1.
I need to sort out my own stuff first. As the cabin
crews’ pre-take-off spiel reminds us, we need to put on our
own oxygen mask first before attempting to assist anyone else.
I pick up a certain amount of debris in the course of life’s
events, in my relationships with God, myself and others
(including The Salvation Army). If I don’t deal with this
stuff, it will keep getting in the way of everything else I
do, including my ministry. Dealing with it is what the
doctrine of holiness is about, and for that one of the most
cogent and practical toolkits is to be found in the Twelve
Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. For the convenience of anyone
not familiar with these, here they are:
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our
lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves
could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to
the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of
ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human
being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these
defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became
willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible
except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take a personal inventory and when we
were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our
conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only
for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that
out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of
these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and
to practise these principles in all our affairs.
Before anyone shies away from the word “alcohol”, let me say
that while we may not all have the alcohol, we all have the
“ism”. Another name for it is “sin”. And for those
uncomfortable with “God as I understand Him”, does anyone have
any other kind? And in case we’re above this sort of thing, we
do well to remember Paley’s warning against contempt prior to
investigation.
2.
I need to be accountable to someone – other than, as
well as, my line manager. Ministry (including leadership and
administration) is a team-activity; lone rangers get into
trouble. No social worker or counsellor is considered “safe”
without accountability; ministry is no different. Regular
supervision, mentoring, spiritual direction – whatever name we
give to it – is like preventative maintenance for a car:
regular servicing may save expensive repairs, or failure, down
the road. There is a proviso of course. To quote the “Big
Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous: “We must be entirely honest
with somebody if we expect to live long or happily in this
world.”
3.
I can forget about looking for the silver bullet. The
way we have chased after every new guru and wizardry is
reminiscent of Hosea’s picture of Ephraim like a silly dove,
fluttering between Egypt and Assyria. Some programmes of
church growth and other such “business models” have been more
like Ponzi schemes, gobbling up our time, energies and
resources but leaving us weaker and poorer than before. The
Salvation Army’s own systems might actually work if they’re
worked at. (I love the summary given by Commissioner Amos
Makina: “Preach the Word; visit the people; always get a
receipt!”)
4.
I need to practise servant-hood. (“Servant Leadership”
if God chooses.) This can have implications for structures,
because hierarchical, quasi-military systems are a hazardous
environment for the spirit because of the seductive nature of
power. It calls for special vigilance to be able to live
counter-culturally within them. Therefore, this is even more a
matter of attitudes, and about serving rather than using
people; being there for them, rather than assuming they’re
there for us, and for the fulfilment of our particular vision.
My father once told me, “At the end of the day, the only part
of our work that may endure is what we have contributed to the
lives of others.”
The first edition of Servants Together in 2002 proposed
guidelines for both structural and attitudinal aspects of
servant-hood in this way:
Develop non-career-oriented leadership models. Dismantle as
many forms of officer elitism as possible. Continue to find
ways to expand participatory decision-making. Teach leaders to
be servants by modelling it.
Most of us can’t do much about these things on the
macro-level, but we all can on whatever level we find
ourselves. Micah put it simply: “Deal justly, love mercy and
walk humbly before God”.
5.
I need to keep my eyes on Jesus, the “author and
finisher” of my faith – the one who began it and can bring it
to completion. Ironically, professional Christians especially
need this word, as our occupation can give delude us into
thinking that going through the motions is living the life. As
George MacDonald said, “Nothing is so deadening to the Divine
in man as the habitual handling of the outsides of holy
things.” Other things and people can then become substitutes
for the real presence of God and we end up living vicariously
instead of authentically. Keeping our eyes on Jesus centres us
in the right place.
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