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If I Had My Time Over Again…

By Major Harold Hill

 

We know the famous last words: “If I had my time over again, I’d…” But I probably wouldn’t, or couldn’t, even if forewarned. The person I was back then tried to do the best he knew how; the person I am now might try to do some things differently, but he wasn’t around at the time! But still, five things I might have benefited from learning earlier are:

 

1.     I need to sort out my own stuff first. As the cabin crews’ pre-take-off spiel reminds us, we need to put on our own oxygen mask first before attempting to assist anyone else.

 

I pick up a certain amount of debris in the course of life’s events, in my relationships with God, myself and others (including The Salvation Army). If I don’t deal with this stuff, it will keep getting in the way of everything else I do, including my ministry. Dealing with it is what the doctrine of holiness is about, and for that one of the most cogent and practical toolkits is to be found in the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. For the convenience of anyone not familiar with these, here they are:

 

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.

 

2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

 

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

 

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

 

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

 

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

 

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

 

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others.

 

10. Continued to take a personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

 

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out.

 

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practise these principles in all our affairs.

 

Before anyone shies away from the word “alcohol”, let me say that while we may not all have the alcohol, we all have the “ism”. Another name for it is “sin”. And for those uncomfortable with “God as I understand Him”, does anyone have any other kind? And in case we’re above this sort of thing, we do well to remember Paley’s warning against contempt prior to investigation.

 

2.     I need to be accountable to someone – other than, as well as, my line manager. Ministry (including leadership and administration) is a team-activity; lone rangers get into trouble. No social worker or counsellor is considered “safe” without accountability; ministry is no different. Regular supervision, mentoring, spiritual direction – whatever name we give to it – is like preventative maintenance for a car: regular servicing may save expensive repairs, or failure, down the road. There is a proviso of course. To quote the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous: “We must be entirely honest with somebody if we expect to live long or happily in this world.”

 

3.     I can forget about looking for the silver bullet. The way we have chased after every new guru and wizardry is reminiscent of Hosea’s picture of Ephraim like a silly dove, fluttering between Egypt and Assyria. Some programmes of church growth and other such “business models” have been more like Ponzi schemes, gobbling up our time, energies and resources but leaving us weaker and poorer than before. The Salvation Army’s own systems might actually work if they’re worked at. (I love the summary given by Commissioner Amos Makina: “Preach the Word; visit the people; always get a receipt!”)

 

4.     I need to practise servant-hood. (“Servant Leadership” if God chooses.) This can have implications for structures, because hierarchical, quasi-military systems are a hazardous environment for the spirit because of the seductive nature of power. It calls for special vigilance to be able to live counter-culturally within them. Therefore, this is even more a matter of attitudes, and about serving rather than using people; being there for them, rather than assuming they’re there for us, and for the fulfilment of our particular vision. My father once told me, “At the end of the day, the only part of our work that may endure is what we have contributed to the lives of others.”

 

The first edition of Servants Together in 2002 proposed guidelines for both structural and attitudinal aspects of servant-hood in this way:

 

Develop non-career-oriented leadership models. Dismantle as many forms of officer elitism as possible. Continue to find ways to expand participatory decision-making. Teach leaders to be servants by modelling it.

 

Most of us can’t do much about these things on the macro-level, but we all can on whatever level we find ourselves. Micah put it simply: “Deal justly, love mercy and walk humbly before God”.

 

5.     I need to keep my eyes on Jesus, the “author and finisher” of my faith – the one who began it and can bring it to completion. Ironically, professional Christians especially need this word, as our occupation can give delude us into thinking that going through the motions is living the life. As George MacDonald said, “Nothing is so deadening to the Divine in man as the habitual handling of the outsides of holy things.” Other things and people can then become substitutes for the real presence of God and we end up living vicariously instead of authentically. Keeping our eyes on Jesus centres us in the right place.

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

   

 

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