Embarrassing
by Commissioner Joe
Noland
An excerpt from the forthcoming book,
'SLIGHTLY IRREVERENT:
Wanderings and Wonderings'
When in Hawaii, we live in a little one bedroom flat, third
floor, no elevator, 34 steps down and 200 additional steps to
Kuhio Beach, of Waikiki surfing fame, count ‘em.
Ah yes, a bit of heaven on earth. Or is it? Could this image,
perhaps, be an artificially created façade, one purposely
designed to cover a darker, seamier side? Is it possible that
heaven and hell can coexist together in these islands?
To illustrate the point, we never know what new experience our
evening constitutional stroll down Kalakaua Avenue will bring.
It may be a pusher peddling “Maui Wowie” (Marijuana) or a
prostitute (male/female/who knows?) propositioning a John (a
Joe on those occasions when Doris isn’t with me) or someone
stoned out of their mind, lying unconscious spread-eagle on
the sidewalk, tourists delicately stepping around him or her.
Ah yes, a bit of heaven on earth.
Walking past the International Marketplace, street performers
are out in force: A clown sculpting balloons; living statues,
painted silver or gold from head to toe, standing for hours
immobile; cartoon caricaturists, street massage therapists and
musicians of every color and stripe, all performing with
evangelistic fervor. The crowds gather continuously, intrigued
by their offerings.
On Sundays, strolling past Duke’s shrine, a hyper, elderly man
sits on the grass, frantically striking guitar strings and
singing (more like screaming) at the top of his lungs.
Listening closely, you can decipher the lyrics – Scripture
verses – bellowing forth with wild-like ferocity. The sound is
unpleasant and grating to the ear. No crowds gather.
Embarrassing!
My church used to do that kind of thing, “Open-airs” and
Street-Corner Meetings” they were called. There were some
strange ones for sure. Ah, I remember them well. Early on in
one of my congregations, an overzealous worshipper used to
shout “Hallelujah” and “Amen” at the most inappropriate times.
Embarrassing!
Every once-in-a-while at special events, you will hear the
following words to an old song proudly sung:
How many queer folk in the Army we see, good old Army… though
our methods are strange and oft misunderstood, we do it all
for the best you know, telling poor sinners wherever we go,
they can be made as white as snow in Jesus blood.
It’s cute looking back, but embarrassing now, so we don’t do
them anymore. We’ve matured over the years, you see, climbed
far up the social ladder, a much more sophisticated church
today. We’ve attended Church Growth Conferences and mimicked
those who have become popular and more respected, in look and
worship style – but not statistically for some strange reason.
Go figure? None-the-less, we’re much more sophisticated now,
thank God!
Continuing on our walk through Kapiolani Park, we see a gal
high-stepping backwards at a fast clip, and all the while
balancing a bottle on top of her head. Passers by fasten on to
her with fascination, a sight peculiar to the eye. My first
thought is, What a
great witness this would be if she were wearing a T-shirt or
holding a sign that read, ‘ANYTHING FOR JESUS!’
On second thought, that would be…
Embarrassing!
An open-air cable car on wheels, filled with tourists, drives
by. The sign on the side reads, “Waikiki shuttle, Free ride.”
My fertile imagination starts to run wild. If I were The
Salvation Army’s spiritual guru in Hawaii again, I would buy
one of those cable cars, offer free rides wherever, hand out
creatively designed tracts saying, “This ride is free, but it
will soon end. We can also offer you the ride of your life,
one that will last forever. Heaven is a free gift,” or
something to that effect, you get the drift. We would have
clown balloon sculptors, Christian magicians, cartoon
caricaturists, massage therapists and musicians on board
performing at varying times – and with evangelistic fervor, I
might add.
Then again, maybe not…
Embarrassing!
(Besides, what would our donors think?)
Other than that strange, elderly man, we have seen no other
spiritual outreach expressions during our constitutionals. The
need is there, no question about it. Sin and degradation
abound. The people are there, coming by the planeloads – “the
good, the bad and the ugly.” We’re not there, however, and
understandably so. You see, the modern church growth movement
has taught us a better way, a more popular way, an
unembarrassed way. Mimic its model and the Church will never
have to face persecution or ridicule again.
HALLELUJAH!
If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and
sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when
he comes in his Father's glory with the holy angels
(Mark 8:28 NIV).
Uh, oh!
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