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Dating Tips
by
Captain Rowan Castle
Dating for teenagers…
There is an underlying assumption to what I’ve written here
and it is that holiness is to be experienced and to be
treasured. I do not wish to see young people wrapped up in
cotton wool safe from the world but so filled with life,
love and light that the world gives way to them. I desire to
see young people so perfectly filled with the Holy Spirit
that love, joy and miracles flow through them so
overwhelmingly that everyone would know that they are truly
set apart.
The following ideas regarding dating are not some exercise
in making you boring or keeping you square but come from a
heart that longs to see young holy revolutionaries who not
merely followers of Jesus but disciples… this is not about
keeping you safe but making you dangerous…
Why Date?
Firstly, why are you dating? This is an important question
as it will ultimately affect your choice of partner and the
outcomes of the relationship. What is your purpose for
dating? Are you seeking a marriage partner? Are you looking
for physical pleasure and sexual experiences? Do you feel
inadequate and require an ego boost? Is it just cool to be
in a relationship? Are you looking for a partner as an
accessory for your lifestyle? Is it a status symbol for you
to be taken? Or are you entering into a relationship in the
pursuit of an appropriate and potential life partner?
What ever motivates you in your pursuit of a romantic
relationship determines what you’ll get out of it. You may
find that there are values and motives that are not of God
that you’ll need to repent of (spit out!) before pursuing a
relationship. Don’t fool yourself here, your motives
indicate the outcome of the relationship - if the motives
aren’t Godly the relationship will not be Godly!
Why not memorise 1 Corinthians 13 as a way of preparing
yourself for a relationship – really indoctrinate yourself
with what it is to love someone. Totally immerse your mind
in what biblical love is and see how this affects your
motivation and outlook on relationships.
Make sure they’re a believer
Ephesians asks us to submit to one another in our
relationships so as a believer you must ask yourself what
are you submitting yourself to when you submit to a
non-believer? You best make sure that they are submitting to
the Lord.
The “I’ll convert them myth”
Many people get into a relationship with a non-believer
thinking that they will convert them to faith. By all means
convert them, be my guest! But why don’t you see them
converted before you pursue the relationship? I know that
there are some exceptions to the rule but my experience has
been that the quickest way to sour strong Christian
commitment in a young person is through a romantic
relationship with someone how does not know the Lord.
The old “unequally yoked’ chestnut
2 Corinthians 6:14 tells us that “believers should not be
unequally yoked with unbelievers” and then all the bible
college students all moan in unison “But that’s talking
about business relationships.” But how is it that something
that is unwise for a business relationship be OK for a
romantic relationship? Surely it applies more so to the most
significant of relationships?
“Run towards Jesus are fast as you can and look
around to see who is keeping up!” Michael
Collins
Here’s the principle; you must pursue Jesus at all costs,
the relationship stuff will work itself out. Instead many
pursue the relationship at all costs hoping the Jesus stuff
works itself out. I’m not suggesting that you bury your head
in the sand and one day you’ll discover you’re married – you
will need to be involved in your life and relationships but
I am suggesting that a good criterion for selecting a
partner is someone who matches your commitment to Jesus.
Get to know each other’s hearts and minds – leave
the bodies until later.
This is easy to do by following one simple principle; keep
the relationship public and never private. Meet places, Go
place together and get to know each other’s families but
stay out of bedrooms, avoid being home alone and stay of the
coach!
There is nothing stopping you from getting to know each
other without ever being in private and this is the best way
to conduct your relationship. You will really get to know
each other without risking potentially destructive and
tempting situations besides, the most romantic and inspiring
couples I’ve ever seen dated this way.
Physical intimacy is like a ladder - easy to climb
up but hard to climb down.
Once you begin engaging in physical intimacy, kissing and
touching, you have begun a climb that starts innocently
enough but, if allowed to continue, ends in adultery and
heartbreak! How do we avoid this destination? Don’t get a
ladder – don’t have a physical relationship.
It is this simple; God designed you to be sexual and your
sexuality must be managed until marriage. The fact that
people get caught up in a whirlwind of progressing sexual
experiences is because God designed us that way – it is
God’s gift to married people.
God’s plan for temptation is evasion not endurance.
The bible doesn’t teach us to stand tough in the face of
something tempting but that “God will provide a way out.” Of
course Jesus dismisses the Devil with scriptures, which is
very cool, but that is temptation during a time of
self-denial. So when you think that temptation is happening
you may need to act irrationally and run away – just bolt.
RUN! (1 Corinthians 10:13)
Summary
Test your motives & memorise 1 Corinthians 13 to learn what
love is
Pursue Jesus wholeheartedly and see who else does – there’s
a potential partner
Keep the relationship public – don’t go Private – really get
to know each other
Physical relationships belong in marriage – don’t get one
When tempted? RUN!!!!!
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